Taking Down Stonewalls

Dealing with a partner who stonewalls can be a frustrating and challenging experience. Stonewalling is a communication pattern in which one partner withdraws from the conversation or shuts down emotionally, often as a response to feeling overwhelmed or attacked. It can be particularly difficult when you're trying to resolve an issue or deepen your emotional connection with your partner. However, there are steps you can take to help your partner open up when they are stonewalling.

1. Stay Calm and Non-Judgmental It's important to remain calm and non-judgmental when you notice that your partner is stonewalling. Reacting emotionally or aggressively can exacerbate the situation and cause your partner to shut down even more. Take a deep breath and try to approach the situation with a level head. Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner, and instead, focus on expressing how their behavior is making you feel.

2. Take a Break If your partner is stonewalling, it may be helpful to take a break from the conversation. Let your partner know that you understand they need some space, but also communicate that you want to continue the conversation at a later time. This can help to alleviate some of the pressure and give your partner time to collect their thoughts and emotions.

3. Express Empathy Stonewalling is often a defensive response to feeling overwhelmed or attacked. Expressing empathy and understanding can help your partner feel more comfortable opening up. Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and acknowledge how difficult the situation may be for them. Let them know that you are there to support them and work through the issue together.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions When your partner is ready to continue the conversation, ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no. Instead, ask questions that encourage your partner to elaborate and share more about their perspective.

5. Practice Active Listening Active listening is a crucial component of any successful conversation. It involves fully focusing on what your partner is saying and responding in a way that shows you understand and acknowledge their feelings. When your partner is speaking, give them your full attention, maintain eye contact, and avoid interrupting. Paraphrase what they say to show that you are actively listening and trying to understand their perspective.

6. Seek Professional Help If stonewalling is a persistent issue in your relationship, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A coach, therapist, or counselor can help you and your partner work through communication challenges and develop strategies for building a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

Dealing with stonewalling in a relationship can be challenging, but there are steps you can take to help your partner open up. By remaining calm and non-judgmental, expressing empathy, asking open-ended questions, practicing active listening, and seeking professional help if needed, you can build a stronger, more connected relationship with your partner.